Friday, April 30, 2010

期待-ING

假如上帝允许我长命百岁的话,我的人生已过了三分一。最近的心情低落让我又有了新的体会,以前会觉得‘你快乐所以我快乐’是很理所当然的,我就想尽办法去让身边的人快乐,我觉得让他快乐起来是我的责任。我忘了,我不是圣母玛丽亚。假如有一天我不能再把快乐带给他,那我需要为他的伤心失落负责吗?当我突破了7年的关卡,我忽然有了新的领略:‘因为我快乐所以我让你感染我的快乐’。
每个人都有过去,活不出过去的,就没办法享受那种每一天期待-ing的心情。
你,或许有段刻骨铭心的初恋,或是轰轰烈烈的激情,又可能是段痛不欲生的三角恋,不堪回首的苦恋,荒唐的、错综复杂的、不被接受的、或一觉醒来也记不起的,还是那种 比好朋友再亲一点但又比恋人远一点的暧昧,等等。。。在感情世界里谁没有过去呢?You are not alone. 身为良好市民的我们,只要没有打家劫舍杀人放火,其他的事儿 – 没有什么错与对的。谁是谁非, 过去了,你放不下,就干脆拖着它沉重的走;走得慢,走得累,错过的,未必等你,等你的,未必等得及,一切都变得不如意,好灰。我,突然放下。应该说:熬过去了。
Hey Friend~
Worst都已经发生了,还能有更Worse的吗?现在以后,就只有Better了!

听听这首我爱的
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, oh!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

巨蟹座

谢谢关心我心情低落的朋友。谢谢你们。

前几天,有个朋友看了我的部落格就说我太爱‘开导’别人,听了,我觉得是贬意成分居多。这和我爱管朋友闲事的性格是一种因果关系(可以把它说成这样吗?);总觉得朋友的事儿就关我事,他爱听不爱听也好,我就是双唇闭不上。好可怕吧?! Nene虽然不是一个八卦的祖母,可是自小就教我要助人为快乐之本。我学会了。BUT,社会的现实告诉我:天助自助的人。我好矛盾。或许我不应该把这部落格当成教训别人的平台。我,会尝试克制自己的。

心情有点儿平复了。我又尝试把精神集中在公事上。
突然觉得我怎么忙起公事来了,套句周星驰的对白:“(工作)有如涛涛江水之连绵不绝~”平时十问九唔应的人,突然都友善地来找我谈公事 -- 绝对不怀好意。果然不出我所料!!所以,今天,除去我聊电话和上厕所的时间,除去我开会的时间,除去我早餐、午餐、晚餐的社交时段,其余的黄金时段我都有在勤奋地研究工作哦~!
晚餐是愉快的, Korean BBQ Chicken并没让我久等,好吃。我过后又买了可爱的Keyboard小贴纸,不贵,可是Cashier找钱后我就忘了把它们收好,基本上,我是把它们遗留在柜台上就溜走了。好失魂。
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
这是我爱唱的K歌:
想念是会呼吸的痛 它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛 看你的信会痛连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛 它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛 想见不能见最痛
~我发誓不再说谎了~

今晚在厨房摔了一跤,真的被星座批中了。好痛!因为我要烧一锅热水,家里都没白开水了,钻石能量水还在店里。然后再烧另一小锅的水要来煮洋参须让他降热,还要准备一罐余仁生杏叶鸡精让他提神,眼见水龙头的水流到满地都是,我只运用了一般家庭主妇的逻辑思维来决定要跑上前去关水龙头。我,到底怎么了?

今天,总是心不在焉。在想什么呢?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Vince - Thank you!

Vince, thank you for your concerns on this matter, your notes did light me up a little bit.. yes, a little bit. I really need this a-little-bit of Peace inside me. 我好自责。

Some said life has a purpose. Some said a relationship has a purpose. That is why more people said when you fail once, you will be back to square one to make it right this time. Life comes full circle.

Sometimes, this meaning really becomes vague. If anything carries a purpose, sure hurting should not be part of it, but it does. A life, or relationship, when it starts, it starts to hurt who is in it.
Is life a study process? You fail, here you go one more time to make it right. When you do it all right, suddenly, you will be called to withdraw from it altogether. Your mission is ended right here right now. When someone leaves this world, some comprehend more than their fair share. They graduated from it.

Finally, They left something good behind for others. They really do. They are in a better place now. We really hope.
-From Vince.

Monday, April 26, 2010

黑色星期一

清晨在驾车上班途中,我还这么想着:雨后的太阳-多么风和日丽的星期一啊。不好不坏的心情在哼唱着陈淑桦的梦醒时分。谁知,那太阳底下的雨露是短暂的,他没来的及反射入我眼帘就消失了。刺眼的晨光让我有点不自在。踏入Office就传来噩讯:他不幸车祸去世了。提着公司包的我没来得及反应,脑袋不停地响起上个星期五一通通每人接听的铃声。。。从早上8点call到下午5点半,我上了长途巴士都还不停的call他,终于电话的另一端有人接听了,可是语言不通,我还以为我打错了。原来,上帝已召见他了,完全没有任何预告。好痛心。鼻子一酸,我真的没办法制止我的眼泪,管不了谁在望我,我对着桌上的镜子看着我通红的眼,为什么好人没好报?! 前一阵子他还告诉我他在念Part-time大专的课程和他以后的事业计划,他甚少投诉现在工作上的不满,那么大好前途的青年,就因为那他妈的醉酒鬼给剥削了他追求梦想的权利。人生无常,生离死别、因果循环、前世今生的轮回、一切的起起落落都冥冥中有安排,那看不见的power,很强,强到我觉得很无奈、很渺小、很sad 。
你,曾经做了什么令你后悔抱憾的事吗? 都过去了,你还活着的话,就尽量做另自己快乐的事吧。明天的忧愁让明天去烦恼,因为上帝未必认同你人生的proposal。别有意无意地去伤害爱你的人,不是每一个人都有道歉的机会,也不是每一次都能获得被宽恕的幸运。
我想说:我爱你 我 他 ~

Blog 到这里,坐在身旁的敏仪说:真真, 假假, 只要相信他。

Sunday, April 25, 2010

我 - 绝口不提

到巴士终点站了。
刚坐进车子就听见电台播放着林忆莲的《听说爱情曾经回来过》:
有一种想见不敢见的伤痛 有一种爱还埋藏在我心中
我只能把你放在我的心中 这一种想见不能见的伤痛
让我对你的思念越来越浓 我却只能把你把你放在我心中
对你的声音你的影你的手 我发誓说我没有忘记过
而关于你选择了现在的他 我只能说我有些难过
我也真心真意的等过
就是有那么一些人,经历那么压抑的情感,又有那么燎人的歌声,唱那么动人心扉的歌,一字一句地万箭穿心,突然所有事情好像都有了被接受的理由。你曾经遇过你甘心包容他一切一切的人吗?当年林忆莲成了李中盛和朱衛茵离婚的原因,然后,这段得来不易的姻缘也种下了之后婚变的果。真的只有经历过,才能体会艺人们离离合合的荒唐??好想好想 好想好想 好想好想和他在一起? 有些事情-想就好了,想不通,再想;还是想不通就干脆别想它吧,苦了自己苦了别人。聪明的人- 会选择绝口不提。

蜂人说:
蝴蝶啊~ 动人的花儿你一时间采得了几朵呢?该放的就放吧。那刺人又勾心的玫瑰总是短暂的。

Saturday, April 24, 2010

KICK-S Nite

Finally I'm home.
ExhaustedJourney that I've ever had with Konsortium. So Pissed-off by that fxcking stupid Driver who drove me around Selangor for 2 hours free ride! DAMN! But I also had my mood laughed all out by watching this 无厘头 KICK-ASS. Why would I watch it?! Definitely not a funny movie, nor a comedy, yet, it's still entertaining with its really-out-of-box kinda story line.

Huuuu~ tired tired tired. MackMack also tired waiting mama to come home to hug him pat him kiss him and also to turn on the aircon for him :)

天色已渐沉 落日如雾灯 深深深
... ... ... ... ... ...
天色继续沉 谁人在夜深 等等等
... ... ... ... ... ...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Love Yourself

For quiet a long time.... I hate this quote: "If You Think You Can, You Can!" I hated it so much because it was from Alex Man (万梓良) in one of his TVB dramas. I will get very pissed off watching any dramas casting by Alex Man.
I don't like to THINK what I can do... If I am capable to do certain things, I would be confident to achieve it. In most cases, I hate people questioning me : "Can you --- --- ?" To me, it's not the matter of I CAN or I CANNOT, it's more about I WANT TO or I DO NOT WANT TO. I am responsible for my own decision, so I make my own choice. If things are beyond my capability, I don't even need to think "CAN I?". If I would ask myself "CAN I?" -- that implies I'm dreaming of something.... I'm hoping something to happen on me.... that's beyond my control. This is PASSIVE. I prefer things within my control. I make it happen if I want, or, perhaps I will kill the idea because I do not want it happen. You may see me a self-centered person, but hey~ what's wrong with that?! I look for what I want, I do what I want, and I go hunt for what I want to make myself happy. BOTTOMLINE: whatever I'm going to do, I am not bringing bad impact to others.
you know, I accept you as a special individual and so do I respect you for your own choices.
you want to be a smoker, go ahead, it's your own health, but make sure you don't spoilt my good health.
you like to go for dog-adoption, that doesn't mean I cannot get my pure-bred dog. Ain't you going to have birth-control surgery so you could adopt kids?
I accept you to be who you are, but please, don't expect me to go the same path as you. we can still heading to the same destiny with a divider in between.
I accept you to be a gay or lesbian, but don't ask me to hate those who are not. Friends ain't deviate by genders; neither Loves.
I accept you to be a naive person, because you love others more than yourself. So please forgive me if you think I am too realistic because I love myself more than I love you.

是不是这样的夜晚我才会这样地想起?(续)


Recently, quite some friends asking me to blog-feed bananas. Yeah~ they wish me to blog in English so they don't need to get Free-Translator. Well~ This Is It: -

I just got home from a long chatting dinners with friends, and I'm still burping nonstop.... the Bakuteh & the Garlic!!! I wanna thank my friends for buying me dinner and also the Passion Soda at Who's Bryan. Tonight, I saw the same guy on that tiny little stage AGAIN. What's his name? Quan? Chuen? Whatever. I can only read his sour face the whole night. He really sang with eyes closed + his remarkable sour face + his usual black slacks with his deep-V white collar shirt. *GOSH* unbelievable!! I'm observing this guy! and I've observed him more than once, yet, I don't know him at all. I gotto be Honest: my eyes caught by his outfit because I'm not attracted by his vocal, nor his guitar playing. I think.... maybe he should work for a circus... or be a magician. HAHAHA~ I'm sorry for him. He just couldn't win my eyes on him :P

This made me think of a song, from my favorite female singer:
Faye Wong's EYES ON ME
(*you can click on the link above to youtube clip*)

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer


I feel touched everytime I listened to this song, it reminds me a lot of scenes, alot of memories, it reminds me the soul inside me, it reminds me of somebody, it reminds me not to stop searching, it reminds me to be honest to myself, it reminds me to always remember - remember the eyes on me.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

-纳闷-

好纳闷
哭笑不得的一天
自作自受的一晚
真气自己
好- 我不该认真

还是任性有人疼。气!
----------------------------------------------------------------

放工回家途中听见MyFM播放Janice卫兰的“爱才”,也是我曾经喜爱听的一首歌。没记错的话,2008 年尾,总觉得当时的DJ怎么播这首新歌播得那么合时,“曾经 想过走 却并未看透 你可希望补救。。。”
-- 我也试过动摇了。
“曾经 幻想分手 但是我一回头 眼泪便已在浮游 明白我不够斗 来电不接听才不久 承认我们得到资格走。。。”
-- 就这样,现在听到这首歌,我麻了。
忽然,我想起另一首歌,是网友介绍我听的“好心分手”,当时还没出街只有在网上发表的一首单曲,是2000 年么?还是2001 年?我忘了。只记得当年好挣扎,好懦弱,却又不知哪来的力量让我脱胎换骨,那是我第一次突破自己当时的极限 -- “是否很惊讶讲不出说话 没错我是说你想分手吗 曾给你驯服到就像绵羊 何解会反咬你一下你知吗 回头望 伴你走 从来未曾幸福过 赴过汤 蹈过火 沿途为何没爱河 下半生 陪住你 怀疑快乐也不多 没有心 别再拖 好心一早放开我 从头努力也坎坷 通通不要好过 来年岁月那么多 为继续而继续 没有好处还是我 若注定有一点苦楚 不如自己亲手割破。。。”
-- 后来才发现自己失去了那么多,却又同时得到了许多。那一刻才晃然大悟原来自己忽略了那么多爱我的人,也亏待了许多的关心。

就要七年了。我还是挥不走那阴影。也不见得往下走有多光明。
好,决定了!再黑再暗我也要爽着探下去。探个究竟,究竟幸福离我还有多远呢?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

离人

在超级星光大道第6季的比赛中听到了齐秦的这首‘外面的世界’ - 好感触,我会想念离乡背井到海外的亲人和朋友。只因为我也曾经离乡背井到海外留学,我明白那等待归期的期盼与不安的矛盾,因为这一切的去留都是那么的身不由己,可又是自己很响往能一尝、一闯。不去试不去走那一步的话,是会不甘心,不甘心不知道可能发生的会是怎样,还要想一大堆的理由来替自己交待。其实, 离开只有一个原因:不想错过。
-做人,自私 是可以被理解被体谅的;总好过那些不知道自己要什么的 来得勇敢。

在很久很久以前 你拥有我 我拥有你
在很久很久以前 你离开我 去远空翱翔
外面的世界很精彩 外面的世界很无奈
当你觉得外面的世界很精彩
我会在这里衷心的祝福你
每当夕阳西沉的时候 我总是在这里盼望你
天空中虽然飘着雨 我依然等待你的归期
当你觉得外面的世界很无奈 我还在这里耐心的等着你
每当夕阳西沉的时候 我总是在这里盼望你
天空中虽然飘着雨 我依然等待你的归期

Friday, April 16, 2010

太阳公公

最近耳边都围绕着许多怨言,都不约而同地向我耳朵冲来。
怨言- 多么沉重啊!重到嘴唇都合不上了;皱起的眉头怎么搓也搓不平。
曾几何时,我也像他们一样,本是樱桃小嘴,可就是合也合不拢。
噢~ 我也是过来人,改名叫啊Q以后就世界太平了。
有些人,硬颈,自以为只要脚踏实地勤奋的工作,贱格的鸟人鸟事就不会发生在他身上。别人友善的劝告和提示都被标签为“想太多了吧。。。或许你误解了。”FINE,那你现在去撞墙就别来问我为什么头破血流是那么的痛。你学不精, 你不能怪鸟人当你是笨的。你既然选择把Naïve当Positive,那就别那么calculative 谁谁谁利用了你。身为朋友的我,只能说:你忠言逆耳,一切咎由自取。你没办法接受我的坦白与直率,就相等於我没办法认同你那超龄的天真无邪 – 扯平。

算了,看到身边几单鸟粪case,我绝定把毒舌暂时收起片刻。请原谅刺耳的蜂人蜂语。

昨晚和朋友聊起护肤品的效用,你有发现 - 以往还蛮见效的产品,怎么用了几年下来就好像没有什么感觉呢?皮肤好像还每况愈下,愈来愈糟呢?!
蜂人说:
朋友,你出世时,不都是Johnson & Johnson 就把你从头到脚搞定了吗?又嫩又白又滑溜溜~

嫩皮总有变角质层的时候,
幼稚,也总该有成熟的一天,早熟迟熟总比不熟好吧~

想不通为什么鸟人要Hurt你???
蜂人说:
看看那红红的太阳, 看!你不防晒,你长雀斑,你难道要太阳公公去死吗?
太阳公公真死了,你顽固的雀斑都还在呢~

-是时候改变自己了。

Thursday, April 15, 2010

无私

爱的表现,往往就是很多的舍不得。

我爱他,所以我会舍不得他肚子饿。
舍不得看见他烦脑、舍不得他倒霉
舍不得看见他脸上堆成的一个‘米’字
舍不得看见他累、睡不安稳
舍不得比他早上床,也舍不得七早八早吵醒他
舍不得让他洗碗、舍不得让他打扫、舍不得看见他流汗
舍不得他穿皱皱的衣, 舍不得他穿小一号的jeans
舍不得他为工作而受气,舍不得他为五斗米而折腰
舍不得他等我等久了,舍不得让他老远地管接管送
舍不得和他说拜拜,因为那看不见的思念和担心总是很折腾我
舍不得他不开心,更舍不得看见他因为我的事而比我更不开心
舍不得和他说 - 不
舍不得
--很多的舍不得 。

爱他,我只舍得让他知道 - 我会过得很好。

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

野百合

many many years ago....
我都还在听潘越云、齐豫、罗大佑、娃娃、陈升、童安格、张洪亮等等,还有梁文福,我还记得当年的周华健和张学友都像刚成名的新派男歌手,每天早上在学校附近的茨厂街吃早餐,都听见‘我和你吻别~在无人的街~’。王菲还刚因‘容易受伤的女人’而红透茨厂街,我却偏爱她的季候风。当时的我还很高傲地觉得: 我不要听流行歌曲,那种爱来爱去还是- 爱爱爱、对不起、忘不了 -的歌,恕我不会欣赏。我还听Frente 团体的歌,怪冷门的,可是好好听!
初中二那年,我记得,我买的那张转辑有这首:

<野百合也有春天>
仿佛如同一场梦 我们如此短暂的相逢
你像一阵春风轻轻柔柔 吹入我心中
而今何处是你往日的笑容
记忆中那样熟悉的笑容
你可知道 我爱你想你怨你念你
深情永不变
难道你不曾回头想想 昨日的誓言
就算你留恋开放在水中 娇艳的水仙
别忘了山谷里寂寞的角落里
野百合也有春天 ~ 啦……

 
听着 潘越云的歌声,让我有回气荡漾的感觉,整片无边无际的草原-野百合就在眼前~ 你哪儿看见我看见的吗?

Monday, April 12, 2010

〈蜂迷蛋挞〉


最近的天气都风和日丽,我的心情也不好不坏。这两天,真的吃太多太饱了。
能吃,也吃得饱饱的,是福气吧~ 能和三五知己吃喝完乐地消遥闲聊确实是能让我心邝神怡,这种心情,在槟岛,我可是花了好几年的时间才修回来的。真的很难再去想像前五年的日子是怎样虚度的,那种很lost的感觉,每天都在提醒自己,没太差也该活得更好吧。有的人 觉得我很 Positive,精神上都阿Q得像打不败似的,是吗?我清楚的记得,一年前,我不是这样的,我的生活确实在过去的一年内起了变化。你,或许察觉不来,也可能是我掩饰得很好,但内心沉寂的渴望却打从在去年6月26号就被牵引了。当然,我不是先知,我没埋下那6月26号以后的隐线。。。我只知道,人,是要不停地转变的,无论是环境、生活上、想法上、还是对自我的要求,都不应该停在原步。变,也该愈变愈强,愈变,心愈富足。

By the way~ 我除了超爱吃苹果,我也劲爱吃酥皮蛋挞!(是酥酥的酥皮那种,不是脆脆的脆皮那种喔~)

Friday, April 9, 2010

- 不爽-

假如你不爽,我会感受到,很强烈的。

我今天也不时地突然不爽,不爽了好几回。
看见不想看见的,就莫名其妙地不爽了几秒。
几次的几秒,真的,EQ低一点点就混不过去了。
因为我知道 -
小孩跌倒,只会在Care他的人面前(家人、保姆)哭的死去活来。

我曾经在台湾 有过一段小失踪的经历,
差点儿我就成了台湾客家妞了~
在街上找不到我熟悉的背影
回去餐馆也找不着我可以哭的对象
所以,我没哭,一滴眼泪也没掉下来。

后来,几个小时后。
爸终于发现我的小失踪,来餐馆接我了,我号哭得像见鬼!

长大了
我学会:不爽,也要笑。
因为,那个让我不爽的人并不是那么的Care我。

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

别做凶手

I always shared this with my friends:

对任何人、任何事,都不应该存有expectation。
因为,当你没有hold任何expectation,
别人为你而做的,那怕是为你多预一份早餐,
或是突如其来的好事,像是抽奖抽到了一盒tissue,
任何事情的发生,任何人的出现,任何机会的来临。。。
只要一丁点儿的‘正面磁场’都算是Bonus –‘+’, 都能让你欢愉。
就算没发生、没出现、没被分配到,最worst的状况也只是ZERO – ‘零’。

倘若你带着心底的expectation去期待你想要得结果,
除非一切已在你掌控之中,只差timing,
不然,只要任何外来因素不达标,
那,相比於你所设定的baseline, 效果就变得负面了。
Below the baseline, not meeting expectation; Negative ‘-’。
-1 或-100 都同样让人失望。

不存expectation, negative的情况就不存在了。
既使人生不如意的事十常八九,又何必让自己做凶手呢?

Monday, April 5, 2010

<南北大道的黄昏〉

回忆 缠住了心事千遍
由零开始 偷偷想到落泪
由零想起 当天一切乐与怒
总挥不去 仍无悔 只知继续进取

人海中 能共你相遇相对
人离不开 种种欢笑或顾虑
人离不开 只因真挚未变异
坦率相对 全凭有你 祝福万句千句

WILL YOU REMEMBER ME
若我另有心志
暂别远去 远去找那自由再冲刺
来日我会放下一切
寻觅旧日动人故事
即使 其实有点不依

WILL YOU REMEMBER ME
就算是不得已
如若爱我 盼你可以给我试一次
来日你我再度相见
仍是旧日动人笑面
给我熊热眼光一遍
一千遍

还望说声不变 不改变

(张国荣 由零开始)
(难得,在Konsortium里还能有sexaphone在耳边响起)
(还有,共同渡过:-)
... ... ...
没甚么可给你
但求凭这阙歌
谢谢你风雨内
都不退愿陪着我、
暂别今天的你
但求凭我爱火 
活在你心内
分开也像同渡过

(还有,我喜爱的王菲- 我愿意)
(下次,不知道会是几时的事了)

〈寻根〉

我从那鸟不拉屎的地方回到这个都市 - 报纸上写:回乡寻根。

今天是清明节正日,烈日当头,并没有雨纷纷。
我在昨天就到那‘山头’去扫墓了。墓园一年比一年的干净,看来管理费是没白付的。
相信上帝创造万物的我,为我的外公外婆敬了香,也准备了元宝等等。黄皮肤的我没办法否定祭祖的传统。看着红蜡烛就要燃尽,我心底很开心,汗一直的流,从发间从眉间从鼻头从背后,眼睛都被抹汗水弄到好辛苦,contact lens不小心被擦到眼角去了,我觉得相片里的外公对我笑了一下,我想,那白斩鸡该很美味!米酒也很下饭吧~ 好想念好想念好想念幼儿园毕业那年,放长假在巴生-万山和-渡过的七个星期,外公每天午饭后就会给我一块钱买雪糕。我总是在那冰箱拿一根两毛钱的红豆冰条,再把那八毛钱的vanilla甜筒带回去给外公。他最爱吃我为他剥皮的鲜葡萄;最爱看我一人多角地把老夫子,陈小姐和大翻薯的四格漫画演给他看;哈哈哈地开怀大笑。那年,我6岁。

是不是这样的夜晚我才会这样地想起?

Those bandaraya guys are still fixing the broken pipe out there.... simply noisy!
well~ at least they responded fast to the phone complaint.
this is what i call - Do the Right Thing even if it's not at the right time.
it's ten to 1am now.

G: Thank you for what you have done to me - I'm blessed to have you as my best friend even if we hardly contact each other nowadays. But I will forever remember the days you lended me your hands, no no no... you lended me your soft bed, your PC, your TV, your whole room, your heart & your soul when I was alone and helpless in Santa Clara. I will remember the days you drove me out for my favorite apples & plums, I will remember the nites you drove me out for Starbucks, and I surely won't forget the journey you picked me up from LA to Santa Clara, and sent me to LAX from Santa Clara. I wanna say Sorry to you that I've made you thrilled from the "ghost stories" I told you; I didn't mean to scare you while all you had was just that Futon bed in the living room. My Bad. and I also wanna say -Billions Thanks- to you for your unselfishness.

Y: Thank you for being there with me when I cried the most. I thank you for  being such a quiet yet supportive listener during my darkest days. That time, I lost my weight most. You might not remember those were my 'slimmest" days.... but I will remember the birthday kiss you given to me across the sea - tru the air!
You are also one of them who has a magnet on my fridge wall. Thank you for you still keeping honeybee on your MSN list. I wanna give you a big warm hug when I see you next time.

B: Thank you for bringing me the two luvly tricolor angels although most of the time they're putting on their devils' costumes. Thank you for your trusts on me even though we started off from a virtual friendship. I will remember the "four circles" that picked me up from KLIA 6.5 years ago. I will forever remember the nite I ranaway from home with mackmack & a leash, you let us into your house. And now, tonite, at this moment, he is here with me.... still a gold-pig.

T: Yes, we stopped contacting each other and I don't even dare to add you into my facebook. There might be some mis-understanding but I admit I didn't handle the situation well that time. But tonite, I remember what you've done to me, I must thank you, thank for your kindness and helps and... I will remember who drove all the way to my place just to lend me a laptop so I don't need to online in those cybercafe. And that made us finally meet-up each other face-to-face, for the 1st time. I am sorry for destroying it, and also your trust.

S: Thank you for the Miracles you brought to me and my family. To get to know you, was already a miracle itself. We both were just strangers on the internet, becoz of the furkids, we connected. I know this doesn't sound like a good excuse but I'm sorry to tell you that I've lost your contact number together with my phone. I think you were sent by GOD to reunite mackmack with me and my family. I'm so blessed to have mackmack snorring besides me now. I cannot imagine if I did not know you from that forum, if without your helps and advises, if we never be friends with each other.... where will mackmack snorring at tonite?

M: Thank you for taking me as your friend and thank you for taking my parents as your friends too. You are such a nice 'uncle' to be friend with. I am so so so sorry to see GOD took Rex away from you. I must also  thank your wife who always prepare me loads of snacks I love! Thanks for giving us 'Max' - he is truly the ruby to my uncle and my aunty. I do believe that he's the one 'reincarnated'. Oh ya~ not to forget, the TV & camera, hahaahha... always got great deals from you :P Of course, there are many many more thank-you notes from me to you. I will remember the nite you drove me to Lala-Cheong restaurant - the first nite I touched down KL all the way back from the states.

V: I remember the days we spent in SS12, that was... 13 years ago? or 14? I must thank you for the time you let me stay in your apartment in Stockton. You always threw me encouraging words and that made me feel good about my cooking. I know my midnite chatting always gave you sleepless nites. You are a special one. Thank you for being there with me when I need you... I could see the dimsum place, I could see the picnic place, and I see you driving me from Sunnyvale to Stockton and from Stockton back to Sunnyvale. I miss you. I am glad you have met someone to share your joyful moment in LA now. All the best!

C: I wanted to put you at the last of my "thank you" list since we knew each other not too long ago. But suddenly, your image 'jumped-queue" in my mind becoz of what you just told me - what you're doing tonite 400km away from where I am now. I don't know why we met each other in this wrong place, but I hope we can be the Right friends to be with each other, although you're leaving this country very soon. You have stuck in this wrong-place but you still able to pursue what you want regardless. I don't really know you well but I guess I could understand and accept you as who you are. Thank you for what you have dedicated to me, I truly appreciate that special gift and I will surely miss you. Good Luck!


排名不分先后,I have more coming up on the list.... to be continued. Stay tuned~

Saturday, April 3, 2010

失心疯

又梦见了 - 好可怕。
很清晰的梦,好像在延续上一次的梦境,我,突然醒了。
霎那间,我,又后悔醒了。
太累了,我,又昏睡过去。
妙,这次梦又延续多一点点。。。
这断断续续的午睡,前后不过30 分钟。
可怕的梦
却让我不禁地 :- 再给我两分钟~~~~~

偶尔,某些际遇,就在某个梦里依稀地出现过
那当时似是而非的梦  却在你忘了它的时候 它又会发生得和梦一样的清晰 - 明吗?
-----------------------------------------------------

第6 感,往往在我忘了运用它时 - 又有些少的存在
同一天似是而非的梦 好像不太明确地‘灵’了
我是想说,happened 但和梦境又有偏差
或许,其实是和自己心里期待的,有落差
梦,终归是梦。

1977

(*click on the links and you would able to listen to Leslie's english songs from his 1st album)
DayDreamer
I remember April when the sun was in the sky
And love was burning in your eyes
Nothing in the world could bother me
Cause I was living in the world of made believe
I'm just a daydreamer walking in the rain
Chasing after rainbows
I'm in never fine again
Life is much too beautiful
To live it all I know
Oh How much I need someone to go my very own.
I'm just a daydreamer.

I NEED YOU
We used to laugh. We used to cry.
We used to bow our heads.
Then wonder why But now you're gone.
I guess I'll carry on.
And make the best of what you left to me. Left to me.
I need you, like the flower needs the rain.
You know I need you. Guess I'll start it all again.
You know I need you, like the winter needs the spring.
You know I need you I need you.
And every day, I'd laugh the hours away.
Just knowing you were thinking of me.
And then it came that I was put to blame.
For every story told about me... About me about me...

THANK YOU
There's a peaceful easy feeling.
Blowing softly thru the trees.
Which welcomes in the morning light.
That shines for me to see.
And it takes me past my sorrow.
And keeps me from the rain.
For all these things, I'd like to thank you once again.
There's a stairway in the mountains.
And it leads up to the stars.
And stars can move the clouds away.
And keep me from the dark.
And when I feel alone and lost.
They'll show me the way.
For all these things I'd like to thank you once again.
Thank you for the love.
That's right here in this song.
Thank you for my dreams
For everything Life has given me.
We seldom stop to think that We have travelled very far.
Seen and heard a million things.
Even wished upon a star.
Cared for all the close friends.
Who have passed along the way.
For all these things and more. Thank you once again.


THANK YOU - my friends - for being with me - accept me - listen to me - support me - care me - love me - remember me - and for saving my name and my contact number in your cell phone name list. I AM JUST A DAYDREAMER - but I still NEED YOU ---

Friday, April 2, 2010

怀念张国荣

七年前的愚人节
我在L.A
在网上苹果日报看到Leslie因忧郁症跳楼自杀身亡的消息
愣住了,不敢置信
我喜欢他磁性的声音
今天重听他的歌,熟悉的旋律,可词都忘了。
很可惜。也很怀念。七年。

事情的发生,难料,难测,难挡,也常常难择难舍。
今日不知明日事
人,也是这样。
变,不经不觉地变。
心,也是这样。
变,随心所欲地变。
想多了。碎碎念也多了。
梦多了。贪多了。失望没减过。
遇见了。错过了。感觉anytime就变了。

七年 – 想想。。。 也蛮多的怀念
愈想愈多的画面,我这七年过得还不赖
笑声愈来愈多,钱愈花愈多,人愈遇愈好
工也愈来愈轻松,人也愈来愈身宽体胖
只希望未来的日子能愈来愈称心
我关心的人都愈来愈安康
我思念的人会愈来愈思念我。


~风里笑着风里唱,感激天意碰着你,纵是苦涩都变得美~